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Summer Underwear
They say the God moves in mysterious ways – and none more mysterious, frankly, than His omission to supply women with breasts that come with their own muscular support system. Then again, lack of the aforementioned internal structure has lead to one almighty job-creation scheme, with workers across the planet beavering away in the construction of wires, padding and tit-tape, and brilliant minds stretching the bonds of their own ingenuity to bring us one startling innovation after another.
Some are more successful than others, mind you. I have yet to be convinced that the “light, invisible support” promised by The Natural – a self-adhesive strapless bra – compensates for the excruciating sensation of ripped flesh that results after wearing it.
On the other hand, there are key summer instances that require special assistance, such as realising at 8:29pm that although your breast may not necessarily require a bra for propping-up purposes, the backless, sleeveless, strapless dress you are wearing is so thin that your nipples are not so much saying “Hello boys” as threatening to punch their lights out.
Until recently, the problem has been the traditional British woman’s frugality. A decade ago, she bought her bras sparingly and moaned when they turned grey and saggy even to be of any use in germinating cress. Now the obstacle is frivolity – there are so many lacy, frothy creations, any of which might serve a vague purpose in winter under layers of wool. Paradoxically, beneath gauzy cottons and skimpy silks, they are next to useless.
For here is another mysterious truism: the more delicate a dress, the sturdier the scaffolding beneath should be. Another sad but indubitable truth: that nasty beige colour known as flesh or nude should dominate your underwear drawer in summer. It becomes invisible under most clothes, including semi-transparent, whereas white has all the discretion of a Nancy Dell’Olio lip line.
A fundamental purchase for any summer bra wardrobe is a strapless model. One does not have to be Isambard Kingdom Brunel to spot an engineering hurdle of gargantuan proportions: remove the straps and where’s the support? I have one from Bodas which I like because it is: a) seamless b) flesh-coloured and, though it sometimes requires the odd surreptitious hoick-up, it c) does the job. Marks & Spencer has finally come up with a soft, natural-looking, padded bra range called Body Miracle, which has an excellent multi-strap version, and knickers, made from something called Modal, that won’t show beneath the sheerest clothes.
Another useful addition to the summer armoury is the backless bra – Charnos’ padded version fastens around the waist and does more or less what it promises, although the seaming on the cups can show under finer materials. For something a bit more solid, Ultimo’s backless body (from figleaves.com, a great source of ingenious underwear) provides serious bra and stomach support, removable gel cups and choice of detachable fabric or clear straps. If you’re in pursuit of the hourglass shape, Spanx’s mid-thigh shaper, again from Figleaves, will help the illusion. Don’t worry about looking like a trussed-up Edwardian under that gauzy dress; I gather men actually like that sort of thing. -
